Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership
Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, yet from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
