The Phrases shared by A Dad Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who often internalise negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."